Why are you not doing the thing you say you want to do?

Carry It Lightly:

The Burden of Expectations

For those who’ve read my book, I Am Enough: a 90 Day Challenge to Find Contentment, you know I love a good challenge. So I took off to the wilds of Tasmania where I decided to start my year strong:

  1. No alcohol for 60 days
  2. Track what I eat and complete a specific exercise program.
  3. Complete my novel before my birthday, mid-March
  4. Add joy by taking dance breaks and spending time in nature.

As I write, I’m on track with three of those challenge goals.

Goals one, two and four were easy and clearly defined.

I’m either drinking, or not.

I’m tracking mean, dancing and spending time in nature… or not.

Just Do It!

Goal Three, however, has been a different kettle of fish and it wasn’t long before I worried that I wasn’t doing enough to achieve my goal.

But Sheridan, aren’t you the one who came up with the whole “I have enough, I do enough, I am enough” thing.

Well, yes. The adage “We teach best what we most need to learn” comes to mind.

But Sheridan, it’s not your birthday yet; there’s still time!

That’s true, however, the more I worried about this self-imposed goal, the less I wrote. Resistance and procrastination reared their ugly heads. WTF? I’d taken long service leave from my radio job. I’d paused my non-fiction writing and online content creation and taken myself off grid so that I could write uninterrupted by (almost) anyone or anything. At last, I’d cleared the time and space to focus on the novel I longed to complete and yet, I was dragging my feet.

Then it hit me. The difference between goals and expectations. My goal may well be achievable, however, my expectation of how I’d achieve it wasn’t.

 “A life that is burdened with expectations is a heavy life.
Its fruit is sorrow and disappointment.”  — Douglas Adams

I expected I’d simply arrive, start writing and keep writing until I typed The End. I was focussed on the destination but I hadn’t planned the journey. I was applying the Just Do It, singular approach, to something far more complex than “I’m going to do ten sit-ups a day.”

I hadn’t considered starting small and allowing myself to gather momentum.

I hadn’t considered designing my goal using the techniques I teach — like asking, “Who, or what, might derail me or prevent progress?” Example: I’m writing historical fiction, which is research-heavy and being off-grid without access to the internet is not ideal.

I hadn’t considered my natural writing style — I’m not a “bang it out,” 2,000 words a day writer; it happens but not consistently.  I’m slow, sometimes even glacial.

I dream a lot.

I contemplate a lot.

I research a lot, and then…

… I write a little.

In I Am Enough on page 133, in the chapter “Expectations,” I wrote:

Dreams inspire us, but they can also disappoint or even devastate when we fall short of our lofty goals. There is a sweet spot between what we want and what we are willing (and able) to do to obtain it: let’s see if we can find the sweet spot.

So, I’ve decided to swap out Goal Three for an affirmation:

Every word I write takes my novel a step closer to completion. 
I delight in the process.

And just like that, the weight of my expectations lifted and the writing began to flow.

Will I make my self-imposed deadline?

I don’t know but I’m carrying it lightly and, savouring every word.